
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5632504.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Invader_Zim
  Relationship:
      Dib/Zim, Gaz/Tak, Skoodge/Keef, Tallest_Purple/Tallest_Red, Tenn/Torque
      Smackey, Other_Relationship_Tags_to_Be_Added
  Character:
      Dib_(Invader_Zim), Zim_(Invader_Zim), Tak_(Invader_Zim), Keef_(Invader
      Zim), Tenn_(Invader_Zim), Professor_Membrane_(Invader_Zim), Tallest
      Purple_(Invader_Zim), Tallest_Red_(Invader_Zim), OC_-_Character, Agent
      Dark_Booty_(Invader_Zim), Other_Character_Tags_to_Be_Added
  Additional Tags:
      You're_a_wizard_Dib, totally_don't_know_what_I'm_doing, poor_Dib,
      Spelldrives_that_are_really_outdated, IT_WAS_AN_ACCIDENT, too_bad_Dib,
      Dib_wasn't_the_only_one_effected, Irkens_don't_even_know_what_humans_are,
      Operation_Impending_Doom_II_hasn't_happened_yet, ..._it_is_happening
      right_now, teenager_Dib, taller_Zim, these_poor_idiots, prof_Membrane_is
      in_denial, guess_what_spell_is_still_active~?, that's_right!
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-01-23 Updated: 2016-02-02 Chapters: 2/? Words: 9346
****** Spelldrive screw-ups ******
by littleberd
Summary
     Dib goes to a Swollen Eyeball Network meeting and when an ancient
     story full of coincidences is told and a spelldrive is shown it
     immediately reacts to Dibs presence. Turns out, Dib is something
     otherworldy. He had raised the walking dead but this just proved it.
     And when the Swollen Eyeball Network pressures Dib into performing a
     spell, Dib does.
     However... as you might have guessed... Dib screws up.
     Hope you enjoy~
***** Spectacular backfires *****
Chapter Notes
     All words can be found at one of these three sites.
     http://history-world.org/sumerianwords2.htm
     http://nookofnames.com/category/world-names/sumerian-names/
     http://s155239215.onlinehome.us/turkic/40_Language/
     SumerDictionaryEn.htm
     I'm too lazy to correct anything autocorrect got it's grubby little
     demonic hands on and the end notes won't let me put everything in
     so... happy hunting!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
"Greetings Agent Mothman." A crooked-backed old man melts from the ancient oaks
inky shadow.
"Hi," Dib answers reluctantly back, but recognizes the voice, "wait a second...
Agent Darkbootie!?"
The old man cackles warmly, " yep kiddo, it's me. Follow me if you will." And
with that he melds back into the darkness, Dib looks around but follows.
(Btw, I didn't realize how creepy and pedophile-y I made Agent Darkbootie. But,
Agent Darkbootie isn't like that at all, guys I SWEAR! X'D)
*************************
All Dib could utter when he arrived was, "Wow."
They were traveling through the sewers and had come to an abandoned subway
station, though not abandoned to the Swollen Eyeball Network.
Walls were lined with mythological doo-dads, supernatural baubles, and
different casts and body parts of cryptid creatures that half looked real and
half looked like they were made with duct tape and wood glue.
They soon came to a circle of chairs, all occupied except for their two chairs.
There was a punk girl with pink hair and enough piercings to make a goth
jealous. Teddy, a scientist from Membrane labs that he only vaguely remembered
in the signature white turtleneck lab coat and safety goggles. A man with a
raven, that has to be Agent Disembodied Head, with a bald shiny head and a
cheap pair of futuristic sunglasses that you could buy at practically any
comic-con. Bill, the wannabe paranormal investigator that Dib REALLY wishes
he's never met is wearing a fedora and constantly whispering something that is
definitely "Count Cocoafang" over and over again. An elderly gentleman that
bares a remarkable resemblance to Countess Von Verminstrasser only bald and
male with a tube connected to the right side of his cyborg-ish face. And last
but not least, an android-looking man that seems more like a reject model of a
build-a-bear chucky with no hair and metal tubes connecting with his head, like
he took tips from the Matrix too far, in a wheelchair.
The last said man/android coughs, gesturing to the seats, his helium afflicted
words ring clear, "Now that everyone is here, I'd like to formally introduce
everyone. Agent Mothman, crazy house for boys #1 patient, Dib Membrane. Agent
Tunaghost, the lovely hacker and aspiring rebel blogger, Veronica spindler.
Agent Nessie, genius chemist and geneologist, Teddy Fletchen. Agent
Disembodiedhead, researcher and historian extrordinar, Dexter Brakern. Agent
Darkbootie, founding father of our dear little network, Jonathon Lance. Agent
Cerealvampire, the esteemed and renown paranormal *cough*charlatan*cough*
investigator, Bill Corchak. Agent Fru-frufae, spiritualist/medium/fairy-
whisperer/phone book salesman, Michael McMellonhead. And myself... Agent
Bigfootstilettos, president of this network and son of Jonathan Lance, Brady
Lance Reyes." He points to each individual addressed.
"So why are we here Agent Bigfootstilettos?" Agent Nessie asks impatiently,
turning a tad shade red, "If you all brought me here to show off another duct-
tape monster arm or wood glue artifact I'm going to quit right here and right
now."
Agent Darkbootie puts a reassuring hand on Teddy's shoulder, "Nope, this is
genuine Teddy. Agent Tunaghost found a lead on something of Great power and
importance. Agent Disembodiedhead would you please enlighten the rest of us
with the story of the shlel-em ra witch of the fertile crescent?" Jonathan sits
and Dexter stands.
"The shlel-em ra witch of the fertile crescent is the first story to ever be
written that has been confirmed by us but concealed by the government. Agent
Tunaghost has sole claim to making that find available to us." Veronica stands
and bows with an exaggerated flourish, and sits once more.
"It is a rudimentary slab of writing that had never been translated
successfully until the UFO crash of 1977. Coincidence that the slab had little
to no information in it's file in the Pentagon but then 3 minutes after the
recorded crash happens there's 50+ files on the slab? I think everyone can make
the next conclusion for themselves-"
"COUNT COCOAFANG STRIKES AGAIN!"
Everyone turns to deadpan at Bill, Dexter coughs and continues in a biligerant
voice, "The writing on the slab is of alien origin. And Agent Tunaghost copied
said file and sent it to me to determine what it truly says. Now mind that what
I read is based on old religions and are not to be taken literally as well as
this is my first time reading it. Many of the things I describe could be items
that can be explained by Agent Nessie or even Agent Fru-frufae..." He procures
an ipad and begins reading.
"They came in swarms, shining insects filled the land with light and death.
They would encase a human and then move to the next leaving nothing of the
deceased behind. They were searching for something, something that held
enormous power. The creatures were considered animals until one of them took a
different course of searching. It stopped a swarm from killing me. I had saved
a fellow orphan by the name of Keef, I trembled on the ground in my skins,
weary of these harbingers of light and death. It clicked and chirped at the
others viciously, then turned to me. I was terrified-no there is no word to
describe looking into the maw of death for how much fear I must have been
exuding. It's demeanor changed just as fast as they could destroy me. It shyly
fluttered like a giant butterfly towards me, I sat as still as possible, daring
not to even breath for fearing of this beautiful killer changing it's mind and
making me it's newest victim."
***
A single tiny harmless foot touched my knee, "My name is Acrinar Sluizan. We
are searching for things human. We have been unsuccessful in finding it so far.
But perhaps you could help us. It would stop us from killing needlessly and
allow us to return home and never return. You would like that yes?"
I froze, the creatures could communicate with us, "Y-yess... w-why are you not
killing me?"
"Because you were the first human to not run away from us. You were willing to
sacrifice your life for a smaller human. You showed me that you are brave. You
also have a big enough head that can minimally handle our mind-meld, which is
very intriguing. So do you accept the offer? Or do you want to be erased from
existence?" The creature quirked a long pale eyebrow looking appendage.
I frowned and creases appeared inbetween my eyebrows, "Th-that depends on what
you want exactly. And what you're planning on doing to us further when you
finally get these things. You have to promise me that no one will ever be hurt
by you or your kind again if I help." My stand clear.
Acrinar smirks, winged limb outstretched, "Deal human. What is your name? It is
rather awkward calling you by your species rather than by your name, I did,
afterall, introduce myself."
I gently take Acrinar's winged arm and shake it, "It's Duga'Isten'Baraqu it
means-"
"It means dark/crown one lightning hits. How did you get a name like that I
wonder? Only humans showing celestial or naturally distinctive humans are given
such long names." I let go of Acrinar's limb.
"See the annoying piece of hair on my head that stands out? I was born with it
It refuses to stay down and resembles the sky fire that flashes during storms,
my hair's also black therefor Duga-dark crown, Isten-one, Baraqu-lightning hit.
That's why my pre-name is Duga and not Mer or An. Mer being storm winds and An
being sky. I myself would've liked Uga instead." I correct.
"Why Uga? Why a bird?" Acrinar asks, head quirking curiously sideways.
"Because I like the color black, and the ravens are far smarter than anyone
gives them credit for. They are the only birds not fooled by my scarecrows to
date. They seem to like me too, they fly right up to me and land on my
shoulder." I explain, gaining more confidence, breathing coming easier and
heart rate not racing.
"So what exactly are you trying to find?" I ask hesitantly.
Acrinar looks into my eyes, black but full of light, describing those orbs as
the night sky wouldn't give them justice, "We are trying to find the crystal
craniums of powerful creatures long since extinct. And a being disguised among
you Duga that was never meant to be... a hybrid of that said race and ...
human. We must kill her, Or all will come to an end. Life cannot exist without
death... therefore she is considered nothing short of an abomination. She has
unimaginable powers, is highly dangerous, and will seek the desctruction of
death. So that Life will no longer exist. And with that gone... we all will
become nothing in the abyss of Time."
****
Everyone is staring at Dib.
"Well... that coincidence is pretty sketchy. Duga'Isten'Baraqu... D-I-B..."
Agent Fru-frufae whispers quietly.
"And the kid's cranium is pretty gargantuan." Agent CerealVamp conceads.
"Likewise is a single strand of black lightning shaped hair." Agent
Bigfootstilettos adds.
The slumbering raven on Dexter's shoulder awakens and shakes itself, makes eye
contact with Dib, and is suddenly cuddling with Dib like a kid with it's
favorite stuffed animal.
"umm..." Dib's eyes are as wide as dinner plates, everyone's jaws are to the
floor.
"Seems like there's a bit too many coincidenses here. Perhaps young Dib is a
reincarnation of Duga? Or maybe Duga is an ancient ancestor? The story will
surely shed some more light on the situation?" Jonathan quickly interrupts,
Dexter grabs for his raven but it squacks like an angry parrot and makes to
bite at his fingers. Dexter glares and grumbles but returns to the story.
"We then began our journey, for the girl and her other half's species' skulls,
traveling across many different lands and being exposed to severa environments,
all barren of human life. We gathered the skulls with little difficulty;
However, the girl was a different matter. She could destroy a swarm with the
flick of her wrist, and she did just that. Thankfully Acrinar was sleeping in
my bag as she had become likely to do the lazy twerp. But I would have missed
her, she had become a close friend during the 3 years of our companionship. She
alone had been spared from the blast. But the girl, she had outlandish purple
hair, a small stature like a 10 year old child, and seemed to have the pure
evil presence as a God demon."
***
"Why are you helping them big-head? They killed my people. What's to stop them
from killing everyone else?! Do you even know what they do to the planets they
conquer? To the living creatures on ANY planet they've inhabitated!?" The small
girl growls, arms crossed, eyes squinted.
"They've killed humans to find YOU! YOU'RE THE REASON WHY THEY ARE KILLING!
Acrinar promised that the killing would stop if you died. The Sklel-em ra
Witch, half human and half other you're immortal, a crime against nature
itself! And if you do not die the universe will perish. You will be far more
guilty of murder than the meekrob will if you continue to live. Your continued
existence is only valid until every living thing dies! And if you continue
sucking the life energy from this planet then there will be nothing left for me
to save!"
She snorts, "sounds like a personal problem. But you should know that I don't
suck out life energy. I AM life energy."
I scrunch up my face, "what do you mean you are life energy? You are immortal,
you have life energy but you aren't life energy itself!"
The purple haired girl shakes her head sadly, "Nope I really mean I am Life
energy itself. The only source of it left. Why do you think they want my
family's skulls? It's all that remains of their life energy. They could live
for eternity off of just 6 of them. But they have all 13 now. And I'm the only
thing really standing in their way of universal domination. You want lives to
be spared? If you don't spare mine then all will die soon after. But even then,
that's impossible for you. Only the one can kill me and live-"
I stab her through the heart, her ice cold hands grip my shoulders painfully,
"So it was you after all Dimuzi I knew you would send me to our family. It's
finally over, this meaningless existence of mine..." she looks into my eyes,
her identical hazel orange eyes steal my breath away. I remember my life with
this small girl... my sister, Gula'Ana'Ziusudra her taking my memories and
powers so I could hide, everything she said... I killed her... I just KILLED MY
OWN SISTER!
"I'm sorry we meet like this brother dearest after so long apart..." she starts
hacking up black blood, tears flood my eyes,"but I know you understand now.
They killed our family, we hid here and I erased your memories. We are the last
Dimuzi, for you are no longer Duga the human, you are my brother Dimuzi, my big
brother... you have to escape... don't let them take you. Run Dimu... I love-"
Acrinar snuck her tails around Gula's neck and decapitates her in one smooth
crack. The creature I had called friend... it used me. Used me to kill my
sister, my dear little sister who alone harbored our memories so I could hide
my unbearable presense among the humans. If Gula was life-energy itself... a
source. Then I was the fucking big bang of life-energy. Coils of the rainbow-
like substance swirled around me in waves, grass and vegitation was beginning
to cover the floor in layers.
"So the nir-gál has finally awakened. The heir of the Namtilla line. The last
of the Zimuandagal. Dimuzi'Immaru'Baku also known as Duga'Isten'Baraqu it is
time to offer yourself to the meekrob as your family and sister should have
years ago." Acrinar says coldly.
"Why are you all so evil!? You were my friend!"I yell, how could this happen.
Acrinar kept me safe, I saved her life and she saved mine many times over. If
there was anyone I could trust I thought it was the meekrob.
"Correction, I am your guardian. I could see your fear when we first met, your
mind was screaming it. No human would be able to communicate like you could.
Though I do love you as your guardian I cannot let you live Duga... or should I
call you Dimuzi? Your time of death will have to wait but it will be soon.
We're a day away from completing the tower. And when it's last brick is
layed... you will be at the top... reading from the spelldrive, right next to
your dead relatives heads. You will always be remembered as the mighty hero who
sacrificed himself to end the Irken Empire. I will be proud of you Duga... it
is the most honorable death a meekrob could ever wish for. It will bring great
joy and happiness from their destruction. Your name will be sung throughout
time and space. Though I will miss you dearly, it is for the best. Because if
you do not destroy them, they will destroy the entire galaxy soon after they
destroy all life on this planet." Acrinar laments, slowly fluttering towards me
as if I were an injured fawn and she a helping hand.
I shoved past her, running with as much life-energy as I could muster powering
my feet. Acrinar could not keep up, and soon I came to the tower... the tower
that was to be my family and I's crypt if Acrinar and her people are
successful. But the only way I can make sure they do not succeed is to destroy
the very machine they built. That hulking shining tower of mysterious dark
metal will have to fall.
I stealthily sneak into the tower, there's got to be some way to destroy this
thing!… then a sudden hard pressure to the back of my head knocked me out cold.
I awoke in a glass quppu, hands shackled to a Dias surrounded by my family's
crystal skulls and my sister's decapitated head. And there in front of me was
the spelldrive. Despite it's bookish/technological innocent look... this thing
is the killer of too many species to count, speciocide's number one cause.
There's a tap on the glass to my left and there's Acrinar, floating softly,
glowing white and blue. Who knew such a beautiful intelligent and seemingly
gentle creature could be so heartless?
"It's time Ninurta... you are our shining Maklu after all... when your
realatives skulls ziana shi is absorbed the spelldrive will turn on and you'll
gain access to the semu and wardum spells. And with the last dari…mul and then,
when our greatest Amelnakru the Irken Empire comes... mulki will then spill
ziana shi as you chant the nusku… and then the universe's ziana shi will be
ours for the taking!"
I snort, a sneer making itself at home on my face, " And what makes you think.
I would listen, let alone do, Anything you have to say!? You BETRAYED me. You
TRICKED me into KILLING MY LITTLE SISTER! And before that, you sent me to
collect MY OWN FAMILIES SKULLS THAT YOU MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD TO BE ABSORBED
AND MADE INTO A RAY OF ENSLAVING DOOM that you will unleash on the your enemies
and proceed to CONQUER AND TRICK AND BETRAY AND MURDER THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE
until there isn't ANYTHING LEFT TO SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF! HAAHAAAHAHAAAH! OF
COURSE I'LL FUCKING DO WHAT EVER YOU SAY!"
"I don't like that sarcasm Duga, it's inappropriate at this moment. And you
don't have a choice, see..." Acrinar holds up a small spelldrive, "This
Spelldrive is that ones counterpart, it is highly concentrated and complex and
extremely potent. It's spells can only be broken if the object is also broken,
or in your terms? Dead."
I do a double take, "Then What the Fuck are you using me, the skulls and THIS
SPELLDRIVE FOR! IF IT'S SO FUCKING POWERFUL!??"
"Yours, in a word, has a greater range, yours can reach galaxies away while
this one can just reach the edges of this city, and while yours can traget
multiple vague objects... mine can target and bind a single target to overkill.
But this Spelldrive in my hands was only a back up plan Duga... I had faith-
hope that you would have chosen the righteous path, but you are part of that
dead accursed race and weak pitiful human species." She turns her
phosphorescent back to me, "I should have know better than to dillude myself
into seeing even a spark of meekrob in your worthless Anzillu hide."
She opens the spelldrive, turns to face me, and begins the nusku, chanting
chirps and echoes and flowing wind and damning waves of flame. A ruckus from
the stairwell behind acrinar, the clicks and hisses of malevolent glee mix with
the macabre gurgling and slicing sounds of death. Flesh on metal, slice, slice,
crunch, thump.
A single entity ascends to the top, not meekrob but equally as deadly and alien
it seems. Arrogant yet cold magenta dragonfly eyes seem to burn, green
reptillian and smooth flesh gleams on long lean muscle, a good 7 ft tall. A
pink robe with black pants, boots, and gloves dawns the extraterrestrial, what
looks like a mix between speak and fuzzy antenna tilt forward, slightly curved,
on it's head. It smirks and cockily walks towards my glass prison.
"Greetings azag aku, you didn't think you invaded this spinning ball of dirt
unnoticed did you?" It waltzed right up to my clear pen and rapped it's hand on
the glass. I simply grinned, these bastards aren't going to win!. It looked at
me funny, then grinned at me with sharp-looking square serrated teeth like I
was a hen gift wrapped before him, a fox. I didn't flinch though, only renewed
my glare at Acrinar and started lifting my unchained legs up to kick at the
spelldrive. Tearing pages and deleting files, a maniacal grin spread along my
face. If I could not get out and away from the spelldrive... then I could just
destroy the spelldrive while Acrinar was busy with terrifying savior over
there. I race to destroy the last pages of the accursed technological book.
"NOOOOO! DUGA STO-"
The green alien cackled as it tackled my friend turned foe. A PAK on it's back
releases long lethal metal appendages that slice and dice at the smaller
quicker body. The tables quickly turn on the green insect-like humanoid,
Acrinar calls forth more of her deadly kind and soon my savior is likewise a
captive, I look back at the book and see the tab for the spell is 120 useless
pages away from destruction. The situation has been reversed.
An idea blinds me with it's light, I quickly and gently flip pages, looking for
the spell, the simplest most ingenious spell created, whispering it to the
spelldrive as they are distracted in their struggle with their other unwilling
captive, light airy swirls and harsh stones against stones, the gentle humming
of a bee. I tear the page to shreds after finishing.
They chain him a mere 5 yards infront of me, their backs in plain view. His
eyes glare, ever raging and unconquerable fire gleams in those orbs, his wrists
never cease their pulling on their shackles. His eyes meet mine, I can't resist
a grin and a wink, he stops for all of three seconds, confusion on his face but
I quickly put on my earlier face of rage but tone it down with a touch of
hopelessness. The being in front of me pulls with renewed vigor, he doesn't
grin with his mouth, but his eyes tell me he knows I have a plan.
Acrinar returns to her place, ruffled with several leaking slashes, she
continues. I yell scream and screech my throat and voice raw, anything and
everything, trying to stall her and make me appear as desperate as I was a few
moments ago. She buys it, even cuus an 'I'm sorry, but it has to be done Duga'
to me.
She continues the spell, raining boulders and snakes hisses, whistling trees
song and butterflies wing beats. I feel the spell taking hold of me, I do as
she says and activate the spell her murderous race has been craving to for as
long as I can remember, they take a dagger, gleaming cold life-less metal, and
stab me in the back. I gasp and scream the spell in agony, blood mixing with
tears, the creature in front of me snarls and with renewed vigor claws at the
shackles, pinkish clear blood seeping from it's wounds. I smile exhaustedly
when it's over, and my fellow prisoner finally breaks free.
His blood had melted the shackles through, he massacred them, activated his
deadly metal limbs and continued what he had been stopped from doing moments
ago. And that is when the spell finally took affect. The creature would say
something gruesome but would end the sentence with "hold still". They did as
they were commanded, eyes going wide as saucers as the shiny limbs sliced
through them like butter in a spray of their own blood.
The creature finally caught on when one tried to dive out of the way, but at
his word the meekrob stopped. It's bloody gem eyes blinked owlishly, but then
he gave it another command and it followed.
To say I laughed like a psychopath is an understatement. The creature looked at
me and I grinned with all of my being. It's returning grin held no malice
directed at me, but I could feel the assured demise of the meekrob capturers in
it. He cackled and slew any movement, he commanded them to stay in a line and
move forward, lopping off heads in a orderly fashion, the faces of his victims
either angry, desperate, or fearful. Acrinar still stood in her spot, the spell
would not effect her as it did the others. The meekrob's enemies could control
them. But since it was a reverse spell... I could control Acrinar. In one spell
I made the Meekrob's entire plans of more than a millenia backfire in the worst
way possible. I had essential stole the guards keys and weapons and given them
gift wrapped to the inmates.
But as more Meekrob blood spilled on the ground, the more my lifeblood and
ziana shi was absorbed into the book. I looked at a fearful Acrinar and
parroted a innocent line with a cuu, "I'm sorry Acrinar, but this is how it has
to be. Give your life to your enemy." She walked over to the green being, but
just as he sliced her small fragile neck... she stabbed him in the back with a
long tail-end of her winged limbs. He staggered as she fell, headless, to the
ground.
The green humanoid hissed in pain but continued the killing until there were no
more to slay. It hobbled over to me, breathing hard, I had long ago slumped in
my chains from blood loss.
"You fought well Sananu'Damu." It said, while opening my container with a slice
from his limbs, slicing also the chains holding me up. He catches me before I
can fall, though my grin had turned to a grimace long ago, I still managed a
painful chuckle. He laid me on a clear patch of stone and sat next to me.
"I wish to record your story Shul, your sacrifice deserves praise from my race
and yours." It says, quietly.
I shake my head, "m-y *cough* my race is de-*cough cough, wheeze* ad. Mitu. But
I-I *cough wheeze* wouldn't mind. Just-just promise me that *cough* the
lifeforms of this pla-*wheeze cough wheeze* net will have no more death threats
from your kind or the *cough wheeze cough* Azag-*cough, wheeze*."
It grins slightly, more of a knowing smirk than his usual display of sharp
serrated square teeth, "It will be so. This planet, Nibruki, shall never again
have to worry about the Meekrob or any such vile races. And the Irken Empire
shall hold a Kataru by my shi I Tamu. Your hyuumunz shall be safe. What are you
called Etlu?"
I laugh. What is my name anymore? I was once Duga'Isten'Baraqu... but before
and after that I was Dimuzi'Immaru'Baku. Who am I?, "I no-*wheeze, cough,
cough, cough, cough*longer have a name. What is yours?"
"It is too long for you to pronounce Seher'Isten." My vision was fading, my
breathing and heart beat were slowing.
"Then-how *cough wheeze cough coughwheeze wheeze* about Zim-*cough, wheeze,
cough, cough, wheeze*" and I died. This story is the true account of a brave
and welcomed Ahu of the Irkens. The Shul who recorded this story died seconds
after downloading it to the control brains. But his last request before
shutting down was, that if he ever was recycled, then the irken would be named
Zim, in honor the young creature who single-handedly brought down the meekrob
race. The few Meekrob left are being used as batteries to the current control
brains.
*******
Dib stared in open awe.
"So this Duga dude saved our entire planet? Dang!" Teddy exclaims, an outburst
from him only happens once a blue moon.
Veronica coughs, everyone looks at the hacker, "That's not all though~ I had to
pull some major strings to get something a little extra for you guys. Because
we all know the world won't take this story as anything but a myth, a legend, a
story kids were told as a bedtime story way back when. Especially with the
government trying to shove it under it's already bulging rug. So guess what
little ol' me got as accompanying evidence?"
"A meekrob corpse?"
"If it's a crystal skull then you know it could just be another fake."
"oh-oh! COUNT COCOA FANG'S K9?"
Everyone glares at the last one, Bill just ignores the seething glances.
Dib, is still trying to think of what it could possibly be, then a lightbulb
flickers.
"A spelldrive?"
Agent Tunaghost grins almost demonically, "nope, nope, nope... and yes."
She magic's out a small square shaped object, it looks like the love child of a
book and a modern laptop.
This, my fellow believers, is the smaller spelldrive mentioned on the tablet.
Now I've got a date I've got to get to... one of those strings I pulled would
only get it if I went on a date with the loser. So have fun with the priceless
artifact and contact me with any further developments, just remember, I
sacrificed my social life for that damn thing. Break it? And that Zim dude will
look like a declawed kitten compared to my wrath capeshe?"
She then proceeded to book it out of there.
All eyes looked at the spelldrive placed on the old coffeetable in the corner,
Michael gulped.
It was gingerly passed around the group. Then it beeped ... lighting up blue in
Dib's small hands, a sheepish chuckle escaped.
"Well... I did raise the dead before... it shouldn't really be a surprise that
this thing activated." Dib amends, "a-huhn" s rung through the group.
Dib opened it and lines of glowing blue greeted everyones eyes.
"Well kid! Read us one of 'em!" Agent Darkbootie pushes.
Dib inhales-
"STAWP! DON'T SPEAK THAT ONE!" Agent Disembodiedhead screeches, Dib slams the
spelldrive shut in fright, "that one would've either caused us to be mauled by
unicorns or made a volcano erupt in Europe. Let's find a spell that won't kill
or permanently maime anyone okay?"
Dib opens up the spelldrive once more, a certain page calls to him.
"How about this one?" Dib clicks on it.
Dexter scrutinizes the page, but eventually nods his head, "It's a simple
enough spell, it would teleport one of those Irken fellows mentioned in the
story here. No explosions, no raining clouds of radio active rabbits, and no
Armageddon floods. It could truly prove that this story is true! I give my
approval."
Dib began without further adue, the spell was conveniently made with English
letters. Nobody thought of the possible consequences of the Irken murdering
them all for the sudden rude teleportation to a backwater planet possibly
trillions of lightyears away from their home planet.
A blue light enveloped them. One second they were in the base. The next they
were in front of a mass of green-skinned, reflective-eyed, three-clawed, nose-
less, un-earred Irkens with speak yet fuzzy antennae. One such specimen three
inches in front of Dib's face, lean and green and paused mid-rant, eyes
squinted, maw open displaying serrated square teeth that gleam like death. The
entire population of Dib's city blinked awkwardly at the sudden teleportation
of themselves to the random placement on the Massive.
"umm... we come in peace?" Dib wanted to face-palms so much at the sheer
stupidly of his utterance.
"DIIIIIB!" The small human populace immediately yelled.
"ZIIIIIM!" The much larger Irken population groaned.
Dib and the Irken infront of him wilted on the spot. That is, until Dib
recognized the buzzed words said by the green inhabitants of the massive.
"Wait! YOUR ZIM!? THE ZIM?"
But nobody heard over the fires of guns and lasers.
Then everything went to hell.
Chapter End Notes
     Duga-crown(dark)
     Isten-one
     Baraqu-struck by lightning
     Dimuzi-son who is life
     Immaru- light
     Baku- weep
     Gula-lady who the dead brings back to life
     Ana-For the purpose of
     Ziusudra- his life-days prolonged
     What Duga was trying to say...
     Zimu- ‘my breath of life' zi-life, breath of life, mu-my
***** Weird creatures and weirder history *****
****ZIM's P.O.V.******
The weird pale fleshy creature looked up at me with round orange blazing eyes,
having had appeared before me mid-rant. I had wanted to be selected to join
Operation Impending Doom II seeing as I had been a part of Operation Impending
Doom I and had even been granted the right to pilot the Massive all by myself
when I was put on trial. As if I, the Mighty ZIM, could possibly be defective.
The Controlbrainz saw that I was in fact mighty and I am the only Irken to have
ever piloted the Massive single handedly without having been bestowed the rank
of Tallest. Aaaah good times.
That aside, the Irkens around us immediately said my name to see if I had
caused the problem. Granted I am guilty of utterly destroying Operation
Impending Doom I with my impromptu destruction of a good portion of Irks...
eheheh... But what surprised me was that new voices rung out that were
definitely not Irken. And they said "Dib", the Being in front of me groaned and
wilted as I had. So by connecting thoughts, this creature was probably as much
of a trouble magnet as I. But then it had looked at me again, saying some weird
words in it's language enthusiastically... it had said my name too, as if it
knew me. Although I can swear I've never seen this creature before... it's eyes
seem ethereal in it's familiarity. Perhaps my PAK is glitching and this is a
technological de-ja-vu of some sort, but I swear I have seen those fiery depths
and that weird flap of strands of protien on it's head before.
And then some smaller drone decided to screech and so did a few of the
creatures that had appeared out of thin air, then came the lasers and guns
firing. The creature in front of me looked spooked, looking back and forth
trying to discern what exactly to do. It didn't appear to be aggressive, in
fact, it had seemed to try and be as non-threatening as possible. Saying words
clearly but quietly in it's own language until that moment when it said my name
in what appeared to be recognition and dare I say Hope? But then a taller one
with a similar protein style on it's head with what appeared to be a white robe
of some kind and goggles came forward and snatched the creature in front of me,
shaking it savagely.
This creature, who appeared to mean no harm was being harmed by it's own kind.
I could not stand for it. My honor demands I do something.
I use my metal legs and seperate smaller creature from Taller creature and hiss
disapprovingly.
The taller creature makes a grab for the familiar being and I meet him halfway,
growling menacingly this time. If it doesn't get it by now then it's genepool
is not fit to continue on for it will die from it's stupidity. It seemed to see
reason after that, the creature that had been throttled huddled behind me,
keeping a respectful distance from my PAK and not touching me, but it stayed
behind and in clear sight, smart creature that it was. The taller spoke and
snarled and growled more of it's words and turned away. Right into the shot of
a laser.
It hit it in the arm and red gushed from it's wound. My optic eyes red a
primitive form of our red blood cells coursing through it's veins. The creature
behind me shouted and dashed after the others fallen form, ok not as smart as I
thought.
But I was pleasantly surprised by it's maneuvering through the danger zone of
guns and lasers. It slid inbetween legs, vaulted over and around Irkens, and
even flipped on a wall to get to it's fallen race. It's black robe fluttering
behind it like a primitive form of bird, it took off it's robe and ripped it's
underclothing, making what a medical drone would to stop the bleeding using the
cloth. So rudimentary knowledge and a half decent amount of brains.
Once it was done treating the once enemy creature, it then proceeded to yell
and almost throttle it. Whacking it on the head and pointing to a clear area of
ground, growling and yelling a few choice words at it. The Taller creature
grudgingly followed the smallers directions, sitting in the area and scowled at
all who passed.
The smaller creature, that I now noticed had a flabby piece of flesh on each
side of it's large head and a unique piece with two holes right in the middle
of it's face, rushed back to me and made the mini warzone seem like a smeet
obstaclecourse. It held out it's gloveless hand which had-wonders never cease-
five fingers and made a shaking gesture. I tried to do the same but not touch
it's fleshy limb but it didn't seem content with my perfect pantomime of it's
earlier action. It held up a hand and made a universal gimme gesture. I slowly
and very cautiously held out my right hand, it slowly reached with it's own
right hand and shook it up and down gently, then let go.
Then it showed it's teeth. WHAT DID I DO WRONG!? WHY IS IT SHOWING IT'S TEETH
AT ME!? MAYBE I DID IT WRONG? MAYBE THIS WAS A FORM OF AGGRESSION? It continued
grinning but it's teeth were covered by slightly rosy lips, it said something
and then walked away.
Is this thing backwards? Was it-was it angry at me? Was it showing aggression?
It didn't attack me afterwards. Was I not good enough to be aggressive towards?
That had me reeling, I followed the blasted creature. But all it did was do the
same it had with the others of it's kind, whack them, tell them off in it's
language, help them, and then point them to a clear spot to stay. One of the
taller creatures wasn't complying and then I saw it battle. It was fluid and
had the other on it's stomach in less time than a few invaders I know, though
heavy set, it still impressed me.
Then came the smaller creature with a purple proteined head. It fought without
even looking at the Irken in front of it, taping away at a beeping piece of
technology. And when my creature-yes it is mine because this thing seems to
have only tried to communicate with me so far and kept interaction with other
Irkens as small as possible, only gesturing a "shoo-shoo" with it's hands and
growling at the ones that weakly pointed guns at it- started talking with the
purple proteined creature it scoffed and made a hand gesture at my creature who
in turn scoffed, rolled it's eyes, then growled out a few words.
And just as some Irkens and the creatures were finally getting the sense of my
creature, some tiny moron shot the piece of primitive tech from the purple
creatures hands. My creatures eyes got huge, it's hands went up and he screamed
like a slaughtered slaughtering rat-person, it spotted me, dove for me, and
tackled me to the ground. Strong lithe muscles rolling as it tried to keep my
struggling form down, that is... until I saw the purple headed creature rise
from the ground and explode random screens and wall sockets with a flick of her
hand. Eyes open all the way and revealing pure malicious fire. It reminded me a
great deal of Tak... oh controlbrainz help us if those two clash.
The creature on me was shaking and when the purple headed creature finally
floated down, all fighting had stopped. Thankfully the Tallest had been whisked
away the moment my creature appeared directly infront of them out of nowhere.
My creature stood shakily holding out a hand, when I didn't immediately grasp
it it huffed and grabbed my hand roughly and lifted me to my feet. Brushing
dust and rubble off of my robe, it stood in front of me and showed it's teeth
again. I quirked an antenna at him and squinted my eye. It rolled it's own and
and proceeded to grasp my hand once more and shake. I thought for a moment then
pulled my lips back and proceeded to show my teeth. It took a step back but
then made a weird "Haha" sound. It then hid it's teeth, though it's weird
fleshy lips stayed in the same shape, I repeated it's actions. It nodded it's
head and made a happy sound.
It then held out it's hand again. I grabbed it confidently and then it lead me
to a group of humans in a circle. It said my name, pointed to me... and then
held up a SPELLDRIVE.
My PAK's programming took over and I had my creature pinned to the ground with
one of my PAK limbs and the cursed object in my hands in all of a second. THIS
was how they all got here, and damn was I right about my creature being a
trouble magnet! HE activated the Spelldrive. The glowing blue disappeared from
the spelldrive as soon as it was out of my creatures hands and then it fell
unconscious, if the readings from my PAK are reliable, I stab the spelldrive
repeatedly with my PAK limbs. It is gone. The long lost spelldrive has been
destroyed. The weapon that almost caused our downfall millions of years ago has
finally been officially destroyed. I huff releaved and cradle the sleeping form
of my creature to my chest. There's no way that it knew what it truly was-what
it could have caused... sort of like how I didn't know those chutes were vital
in the smeeting process and that accident created Horrible Painful Overload
Day. Good thing I destroyed it before my creature caused anymore trouble.
The group of creatures mine had brought me to were speechless, one started
yanking it's protein out of it's head, and if the protein is anything like
Irken antenna... that has got to hurt.
One started yelling at me and made to hit me but another threw him back, a
sharp word or two and the other turned away from it. These creatures are so
violent to each other. How do they survive without cutting eachother's necks?
The one that had defended me held out it's hand, I did what my creature had
showed me, shuffling his body to where his large cranium rolled onto my
shoulder and neck removing a supportive arm, and I shook his hand. It was
startled for a moment but I pointed at the sleeping too-light bag of bones I
was holding and it made a similar "hahah" noise my creature had made before.
I grinned without teeth and it made a "follow me" gesture. I did and he
procured a flattish rectangle object. It started typing words and then words in
an ancient dialect of some language ppeared. It was almost exactly the same as
the ancient Irken used in the time that the Spelldrives almost ended the Irken
Empire. It then showed me a summary of what happened written in the ancient
language. So you CAN communicate with us. But you don't know the language. Ok,
I can work with this! I turned away, "INVADER Sneakyonfoota! GET YOUR PAK OVER
HERE! WE NEED A TRANSLATOR THAT CAN TRANSLATE ANCIENT IRKEN OVER HERE!"
Said Irken Invader ran over, squinting cautiously at the group of creatures. I
grabbed him by the PAK with my free hand and made him look me in the optics,
"Now listen, these creatures are intelligent. They came here by accident using
the lost spelldrive we've been searching for and created Operation Impending
Doom to find. I destroyed it, thank Tallest, but they have a primitive device
that roughly translates an ancient language of theirs that's almost exactly the
same as ancient Irken. I need you to help that creature over there with the
black flattish rectangular device with translating and getting some information
on what the flark is going on. I need a uhh... Vet-drone immediately for the
one I knocked unconscious. And tell them no dissecting, this one hasn't been
violent and trusts me. It also seems to be a leader of sorts to the other
creatures despite it's small stature, I do not think it would go well to treat
them like unintelligent animals."
With that said, Invader Sneakyonfoota calls a drone over and gives him
commands, then goes over to the creature I had asked him to and types in a few
letters. The conversation starts well, the creature ends up making that "hahah"
noise as the invader chuckles. I look down at my sleeping creature and sit down
with it laying it's large head in my lap, "So that was what you were doing...
you were laughing at me huhn big-headed... thing? Well, I guess even I can find
the humor in that weird conversation. But you really are a trouble magnet...
much like me you try your best to stay out of it huhn."
My hand touches my creatures head protein, I look around and see no one
looking, I take off my glove and gently and cautiously card my hand through it.
It's the softest thing I've ever touched, silky, and smooth. Nothing like the
hard yet sleak antenna of Irkens. And the fact that it's naturally warm makes
me want to make a blanket out of it and sleep, where have I felt this before?,
it weirds me out. A small snuffle comes from my creature, it lifts it's hands
to put under it's head, long legs curling up, it snuggles further onto me, and
makes a content sounding sigh. The heat from it's form is addictive, Irkens
being cold-blooded make us rather like warm-things.
I snort at it's cuddly act and pat it's head, petting him softly as I carefully
put my glove back on my other hand. Then the picture of contentedness is broken
by a fool vet-drone that commands me not touch my creature. I ignore them
blatantly and gently place my creature on the cart and follow the indignite
vet-drone, I am taller than you fool. They run several manditory tests and I
find out my creature is a he. And he also has a massive amount of Ziana shi, so
much that the vet-drones are looking very predatory... they're practically
drooling, and I have the distinct feeling that they truly want to chop him up
right then and there. A loud hiss from me gets there attention that 1. no, they
cannot hurt him and 2. No, I will not be leaving them to experiment on him
either.
My creature awakens a few hours later holding his head and groaning in the way
every normal being does when their head is hurting and glares at me. I cackle
at it's attitude and grin without teeth. It pouts but when the human from
before, accompanied by Invader sneakyonfoota speaking it's language come in,
his face nearly splits with teeth showing.
The Irken Invader dashes over to me. "It's amazing Zim! They know about the
tale of the last Meekrob defeat! You know the long-lost planet where the Irken
race defeated the Meekrob? That's there planet! They call themselves hyuumuns,
the one you communicated with is one of the group that found the spelldrive.
They say it only worked for that hyuumun and that the spelldrive malfunctioned
when they tried using it. But what I can tell from the story they discovered
with the spelldrive... the spelldrive had a reverse spell on it. They had tried
to teleport one of us to their planet to give more validation to the story, and
then send us back after they had proof of our existence, but it sent their
entire CITY to the Massive because of it. Some of them didn't even believe in
other intelligent species until after this spell. There's even two or three
that think this is all some elaborate joke being played. But that's not even
the best part Zim! THE STORY MENTIONS YOU! The lone Irken Invader that took
down the Meekrob was none other than the Irken before you! Your REINCARNATION!
HE EVEN REQUESTED YOUR NAME! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE THE ONLY IRKEN WITH A 'Z' IN
YOUR NAME ZIM! IT WASN'T EVEN AN IRKEN LETTER UNTIL HE REQUESTED IT! Maybe
that's why the Controlbrainz said you were the worthiest Irken!? Damn! This is
amazing! But what the hyuumuns think is funny is that that smeet you've been
communicating with over there-Dib- he's sort of the reincarnation of the
hyuumun who partnered with your reincarnation to take down the meekrob! No
wonder you two hit-it off so well." Invader Sneakyonfoota finished gulping for
air, the Invader really was passionate about ancient Irken history, and with
that spark came an affinity with ancient languages.
I tried taking in that knowledge and found it ironic, to think I had found him
familiar before... that explains a lot really.
'Dib' was probably getting the same story fed to him by the hyuumun Invader
Sneakyonfoota had gotten the information from. My Dib, he is still mine, then
began tinkering and putting together a device, bringing out bits and pieces of
metal from his long black robe and adding to it. But then he seperates it and
puts it in his ear, the other piece he puts around his throat.
"Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Can you hear and understand me Zim?" The object
around his neck says in his voice, in modern Irken.
I grin without teeth and my antenna quiver, "Yes I can hear and understand you
Dib-hyuumun. Did you just create that device from scratch?"
My Dib grins as well, laughing in his language and chirping in mine, "Yeah, I
do it all the time. Making things from scratch that is, this isn't even one of
my best inventions. My dad's a whole lot better at it than I am, thanks for
defending me back there by the way... he was pretty pissed. I-I have this bad
habit of getting into trouble... I accidentally raised the dead once and he's
been angry at me whenever I do something wrong ever since. This whole
spelldrive screw-up was my fault. It wouldn't have even opened if I hadn't
activated it... I don't even know why it activated. I also want to say I'm
sorry about making you go psycho with the spelldrive. I understand why you
destroyed it, but did yah really have ta knock me out dude?" My 'Dib' chuckles
at that last bit good naturedly.
I do feel kind of guilty about knocking him out but when the PAK takes over, it
normally kills threats. Thankfully I was able to restrain myself from killing
him... but he doesn't need to know that...
I look down like a scolded smeet, "I'm sorry about that... My PAK immediately
alerted me and I acted on instinct. It's not hurting too bad is it? I-I'm
sorry..." My antenna bent back awkwardly, trying valiantly not to run my hands
and antenna through his hair to check for further damage.
My Dib turns a reddish color, a stark contrast to the pale white he was before,
color change in my kind that quickly is a sign of sickness. My restraint breaks
and I'm upon him, hands on his flushed cheeks and antenna searching for harm on
his head. I almost moaned from the heat of his head, that added with his silky
head protein and heady scent of hormones and a sugary smooth sweet floral smell
had me reeling, my teeth meer inches from his neck-A cough from Invader
Sneakyonfoota, and a chuckle from my Dib snapped me back to reality.
I jumped back, coughing and shaking myself, trying to get rid of the lingering
effects of... EVERYTHING of the Dib. What was I about to do!? If I had done
THAT!!!! TALLEST WHAT IS THIS HYUUMUN DOING TO ME!?
Dib seemed to calm down, "So you have antenna... is that how you guys smell and
hear?"
Taken aback by the sudden question, "uhhh... yes, though we have small
olfactory sensors right where you have that small flap of... cartilage? In the
middle of your face. And yes, the antenna as you called them, are mainly for
hearing, but they also sense movement through the air. They are very sensitive,
a warning to the wise, don't touch an Irken's antenna without espress
permission."Well don't I sound like a week-old smeet repeating lines from the
knowledge board.
"oh good to know, that piece of cartilage is what we call a nose, and if you're
gonna comment on the flappy cartilage on either side of my head... those are
called ears, they let us hear, but if something happens to one it can greatly
effect our sense of balance. Basically It could have us resorting to crawling
on the floor like toddlers. So how old are you Zim? Er-I'm a senior in high
skool, 17 Earth years old... I don't know how you guys tell time or years,
never mind... that was an awkward question." The Dib turned a lighter shade of
pink just a tinge on the red side.
"From the information gathered when we did a check-up on you, because you were
knocked out by me, your on the brink of getting out of puberty? I think that's
what you hyuumuns call that stage in life? I recently got out of it. So I
suppose I'm roughly around 20 years old in Irken age? Though from what the
researchers could tell, hyuumuns have very short life-spans compared to
Irkens... your around 3 Irken years old. I'm a good 12 Irken years old. But
that's also due to the species I suppose. You guys haven't gotten very far in
the way of technology... but a question of my own, why does your skin change
color like that? For Irkens it is a sign of illness to suddenly change color.
Is it a form of camouflage on your planet?"
My Dib's color turns a darker shade of pink, "It-It's to show emotions. If
we're embarrassed or shy... or-or too hot, then we turn a reddish color. But we
can pale if we're frightened or have major bloodloss. Good guess with the
camouflage, though that's not it. We do have a type of reptile on our planet
that does that, It's called a chameleon. So your roughly 68 years old in human
years? Dang. But then again, different species different life-spans, so your
like 20 years old in your race... I guess it's weird talking to a toddler." He
then makes a sheepish chirp of laughter. It's strange how he is becoming shy
now, he practically dragged me along with him when we first met. The hyuumun
that goes by the name Dexter and Invader Sneakyonfoota exit the room rather
reluctantly on the Irken's part.
My Dib yawns, revealing a mix of herbivore and carnivore teeth, "Get some rest
hyuumun. You have had a long few hours."
Dib grins, but soon it disappears, "I have a-a sort of illness called insomnia
Zim. I've got to take pills to knock my ass out in order to get any sleep, my
brain activity never slows down enough for REM sleep to occur. I-I don't have
those pills with me. Truth be told, today has been the first time in several
days that I've actually slept."
I raise and Antenna and squint an eye at My Dib, "That cannot be healthy
hyuumun. I will see to it that you get some medication to induce this REM sleep
so you may recharge. But for now, close your eyes and hush up. The medic's are
busy enough with the imbeciles that attacked each other, granted they probably
deserved their wounds. Still, a small nap should suffice to hold you over until
the idiots are healed. And don't worry, I'll stay with you and make it very
clear to the vet-drones that you are not to be disturbed."
My Dib turns a light shade of pink with a smile that shows just a carnivores
tooth or two, "Thanks Zim... *yawn* I'll try. I'm just glad, *yaaaaaawn* that I
got to meet y-…" Dib's head lightly rolls to the side and his eyes flutter
shut, soft adorable snores escape him.
I caress his single black disobedient strand of head protein and rest my head
on the bed. "I'm glad I met you too Dib..." My hyuumun.
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